A battle is over... But the War is just starting...
So Our CCHMS prelimary examinations are over... Guess what? L1R5 22 points... Nowhere to go... Oh well, what is done cannot be undone... It seems tat many of my friends are getting quite worked up over not being able to get into the 3 months thingie... I cant really understand but... Well... It seems fine to me =P... Maybe because I still have no idea what I want for myself... All I know is I still have my interests for sketching and languages... Will brush up all these skills aft the big 'O's =)...
Hmms... I was just wondering... If a good higher Chinese grade could give me a -2 for my L1R5, then I should really aim for an A for HCL [Shees... No wonder Higher Chinese is corrosive to the brain =P], but I should really give myself achievable targets... But isn't it too good a deal to study HCL? I mean... If everything works out fine, my L1R5 for the 'O's can -3... O.o... -1 for CCA [Stupid CDC... Shouldn't have joined... All the actors put in so much effort and the max points for a norm member is 6... Which=C5... I got C6... Haiz... Lesson: NV JOIN CHINESE DRAMA CLUBS! To think tat we HAVE outside performances tat actually sells tickets... I guess tat performing talents are not appreciated in CCHMS...] and -2 for HCL... Its a little weird... Gotta clarify with my teachers...
My biggest problem : I can hardly get too emotional about my grades... I don't really care too much I guess... Not easily discouraged, but also not easily encouraged... Its a balance I guess... That's y I cant find meaning in working too hard... I don't even know what I want for myself... Weird... And I hate to answer questions like : Which JC are u aiming for? What are you aiming for? What u wanna be when u grow up? And bla bla bla... [The list goes on...]When I cant find what the damn hell I wanna work towards, I don't have the motivation... But I'm trying damn hard to find things I'm interested in... Tat is, other than sketching... Something tat will drive me nuts if I cant achieve it... Maybe then I can really give my full potential... I'm not stretched yet...[glad to know I'm not elastic... =P]
Problem no. 2: I somehow don have a sense of great urgency... It doesn't mean I don't feel a thing but its a little strange tat I don feel too pressurized... Or is it just tat I'm not motivated to study hard? [Anyway... I'm supposed to have a damn long essay but THE BLOODY COMPUTER HANGED HALFWAY AND THE STUPID BLOGSPOT ONLY RECOVER UNTIL HERE!... Nevermind.. I really cant type my heart felt feelings out again... It will never be the same again T.T ]I feel tat maybe because I don even know what the hell I'm working towards... Its the Goal factor I guess... People always tell me tat they are " veli stress veli stress" [I'm trying to imitate the slang...]... And I think tat I;m in deep shit... [Sorry for the vulgarities... Too fed up tat I have to type things tat I've forgotten... More is to come... I am damn sian diao le... TYPE FOR 2 HOURS THEN ALL DISAPPEAR! IDIOT!] I'm still trying to find what the bloody damn hell I'm trying to achieve... I don't have much interests other than sketching and languages... And my Language sucks... [I swear tat my previous 'essay' wasn't so uncouth] I find no meaning in studying till my eyes pop out for nothing... Life is boring nowadays.... Its a routine... Anyway, I guess I'll just have to find SOMETHING tat is related to my studies for me to be motivated... Cant stay sinking at the bottom at the ocean while all the others are on the shore already... [I'm still angry... Stupid...] I don't seem to feel a lot of pressure... Or is it tat I'm simply jus supressing them all? [tis may just explain the strange sleep walking problem I have...] Its gonna be difficult... Trying to find an achievement I wanna make out of nowhere...
Problem no. 3 : [Shees... This entry is becoming an analysis of my poor grades...][I forgot what I wrote... I think its something about me being careless... And mistakes... I'll try my best to recall...] I just keep making similar mistakes over and over again... Teachers scream and nag at me : Never make the same mistakes twice... But, I still do... I cant seem to correct every single error I want to... Anyway, if everyone could do so we would be acing all the exams... So its a slim chance for all the demanding teachers... People make errors all the time... We are not allowed to make mistakes twice... Does it mean we wont get a 3rd chance in things we do? People say tat failure is the mother of success... Then our successes sure have loads of mums... But exactly how many times do we have to fail to succeed? Anyway, society do not allow us to fail... This is ironic... It is claimed tat success is brought about aft many failures... But we are not allowed to fail... Thanks to the 'developing' world... When will human brains start to develop? We have are not allowed to fail and failure must not befall on us... What crap... And people claim tat the process is more important than the achievement... The lessons tat we learn... But in society, who the hell cares what the bloody damn shit u learned if u can give them what they want? What they want is just the results... Its all bullshit... That's why... Like grouch says : Society is the irony of life... No results = failure... The process is NEVER taken into account... And some have even better crap : [its something like...] The more storms we go through, the more experience we earn; which is required for success... RUBBISH!... [Sorry for the extremes... I'm in a bad mood + I cant help it... Anyway, its MY blog...] By the time we go through a lot of storms we already get eroded and weathered into particles tat are not visible to the eyes... But, think on the bright side, we would be much 'finer' than before... Wouldn't we? [Sorry for the controversy... I simply LOVE to contradict myself... =P] Anyway... Life's like tat so we just have to learn to accept it... I;ll have to be more careful while doing my work... [I swear I had a better conclusion at my previous 'essay' T.T ...]
Problem 4 : [don 'Huh? So many ar?'... Yes, there's more to come...] [I also forgot... U don't expect me to Remember all tat I write simply when it flashes in my mind again, do u? It will all just be an expressing session for the previous hours... This sucks... I had a lot of things I wanted to share...] My inability to concentrate [YES! FINALLY REMEMBERED!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!] is also a major problem going on... I'm easily distracted and its somehow a challenge for me to be able to be doing a thing for a long period of time... I can only concentrate when I have some fantastic sketches in my head tat I wanna put on paper... But I always fail... Sigh... So it means time is wasted... Indeed I'm the world's best time waster... [Anyway, jus an interesting note : The REAL time tat is required for the earth to revolve around the sun is actually 23 h 56 mink and 4 sec? Hehez...] I'm not the kind who can do something I don like for long hours... Especially studying... I am currently trying to improve my flow of words now by blogging.. [TO THINK TAT THE HAY- WIRE COM HANGED! ARGH!!!! AND I LOST MY PRECIOUS CONTENTS! Trying to recall still... But most is new stuff T.T ...] I DEMAND MY USELESS BRAIN TO BE ABLE TO CONCENTRATE WHENEVER I WANT TO!!! Fat hope... And hope has no chance of slimming down... Wait, so it means hope got to seek help from chance... Because one is fat and the other is slim... Ok, enough of lame opinions... But its a skill I guess, to be able to concentrate on things I need to... I don't have the drive T.T ... Well... Its not too late to start now... Although its too late for the 'O's, but I still have 70 years ahead of me if everything goes fine... Haha... OMG... I'm leaving the main point again... Haze... I wanna learn to concentrate... But... I also like to write crappy personal opinions... =P
Problem 5 : [Don't read if u don want to... Its all MY business anyway...]I cant seem to absorb all tat is important... Plus I am borned to be forgetful and lazy... But for all I know, it may just be an excuse to not work hard for what I want... I don't know what I want anyway... All my life my major teacher has been the textbook... And we all know tat the textbook isn't exactly helpfulI cant rely on teachers and friends... Because teachers will tell YOU to find out the hidden agenda... Then tell them before they can help... FAT HOPE! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE MORONIC SHIT I DON KNOW... HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL U THE PROBLEM WHEN I DON KNOW WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?!?!?!?!?!? Yeah yeah... Practice makes perfect... But I don even understand what the fuck is going on... It means tat I've been lagging behind all other all my life... And now I am left with 1 month to catch up with 16 years of education... HA! No hope le... [I swear my previous 'essay' was slightly more positive about changes...] Especially A maths... Stare at the blank piece of paper with a blank mind... I don't ask friends for help is for personal reasons tat I do not wish to reveal... Please keep all noses to yourselves... [I'm still angry about erasing all my efforts of typing...] [I cant help being rude... T.T... I want my previous whole essay back... IDIOT...][And the previous one does not have as much comments I guess... Considering tat I'm expressing my wrath constantly in tis one...]
The below is more personal...
Its tough to get along with people... Its a chore to build and maintain relationships for me... As a natural introvert, I don like to be in big crowds... I feel uncomfortable... I don see any wrong in wanting to remain as a solitary figure...
Of Because I still treasure my family and friends... But I'd rather not be involved in any other affairs tat don concern those I care for... That's y I detest personality tests... [I'm starting to recall a little...] I do those online simply to see the pictures at the end of it... U mean there's a limited no. of personalities on earth? Then those people don't have a single bit of something we call the human brain... people claim tat each person is an individual, we are all unique... But there are extra things like personality tests tat try to guess one's interior... DUMB... As grouch says : Society is the irony of life... [I like tis quote =)]
Some people say I've got a talent in drawing... I'll say I've just got more passion for it... hehez... And I hate geeks who [they never say... But I know...] thinks I'm trying to show off by drawing in class... Its my freedom to do what the hell I wanna do so buzz off... Stupid people... [Now I wanna add... Anger can create miracles... I'm cursing excessively...] and some really think I'm the 'blur kok' in the class... Being ignorant and not having sides actually allows me to see the whole picture in a better view... Its an advantage... I don like to offend and don wish to be offended... It turns out tat I may not be as stupid as u all think... And I hate to be labeled as quiet... Because I'm not... I can blabber all I want if I wanna do so... [My language now I horrible... I'm not exactly in the mood aft I am forced to retype what I've forgotten...] And for those who cant stand the sight of me, TOO BAD... I'm an existence so its just your luck... U can choose to ignore me but its impossible to not see a 1.53 m tall opaque object...
After typing and re typing, I realized I REALLY have to brush up on my memory skills... And tis is the very 1st time I'm using the blog to express my true views... Drastic sia... But its quite enjoyable... Is tis y people like to blog?
I'm moving towards the big big world... =)
Another note : If there were no wars, would people appreciate peace?
When I have time I will type more about tis issue... The roles tat wars play in life... Man I've got loads to say bout tat... ^^
Hmms... I was just wondering... If a good higher Chinese grade could give me a -2 for my L1R5, then I should really aim for an A for HCL [Shees... No wonder Higher Chinese is corrosive to the brain =P], but I should really give myself achievable targets... But isn't it too good a deal to study HCL? I mean... If everything works out fine, my L1R5 for the 'O's can -3... O.o... -1 for CCA [Stupid CDC... Shouldn't have joined... All the actors put in so much effort and the max points for a norm member is 6... Which=C5... I got C6... Haiz... Lesson: NV JOIN CHINESE DRAMA CLUBS! To think tat we HAVE outside performances tat actually sells tickets... I guess tat performing talents are not appreciated in CCHMS...] and -2 for HCL... Its a little weird... Gotta clarify with my teachers...
My biggest problem : I can hardly get too emotional about my grades... I don't really care too much I guess... Not easily discouraged, but also not easily encouraged... Its a balance I guess... That's y I cant find meaning in working too hard... I don't even know what I want for myself... Weird... And I hate to answer questions like : Which JC are u aiming for? What are you aiming for? What u wanna be when u grow up? And bla bla bla... [The list goes on...]When I cant find what the damn hell I wanna work towards, I don't have the motivation... But I'm trying damn hard to find things I'm interested in... Tat is, other than sketching... Something tat will drive me nuts if I cant achieve it... Maybe then I can really give my full potential... I'm not stretched yet...[glad to know I'm not elastic... =P]
Problem no. 2: I somehow don have a sense of great urgency... It doesn't mean I don't feel a thing but its a little strange tat I don feel too pressurized... Or is it just tat I'm not motivated to study hard? [Anyway... I'm supposed to have a damn long essay but THE BLOODY COMPUTER HANGED HALFWAY AND THE STUPID BLOGSPOT ONLY RECOVER UNTIL HERE!... Nevermind.. I really cant type my heart felt feelings out again... It will never be the same again T.T ]I feel tat maybe because I don even know what the hell I'm working towards... Its the Goal factor I guess... People always tell me tat they are " veli stress veli stress" [I'm trying to imitate the slang...]... And I think tat I;m in deep shit... [Sorry for the vulgarities... Too fed up tat I have to type things tat I've forgotten... More is to come... I am damn sian diao le... TYPE FOR 2 HOURS THEN ALL DISAPPEAR! IDIOT!] I'm still trying to find what the bloody damn hell I'm trying to achieve... I don't have much interests other than sketching and languages... And my Language sucks... [I swear tat my previous 'essay' wasn't so uncouth] I find no meaning in studying till my eyes pop out for nothing... Life is boring nowadays.... Its a routine... Anyway, I guess I'll just have to find SOMETHING tat is related to my studies for me to be motivated... Cant stay sinking at the bottom at the ocean while all the others are on the shore already... [I'm still angry... Stupid...] I don't seem to feel a lot of pressure... Or is it tat I'm simply jus supressing them all? [tis may just explain the strange sleep walking problem I have...] Its gonna be difficult... Trying to find an achievement I wanna make out of nowhere...
Problem no. 3 : [Shees... This entry is becoming an analysis of my poor grades...][I forgot what I wrote... I think its something about me being careless... And mistakes... I'll try my best to recall...] I just keep making similar mistakes over and over again... Teachers scream and nag at me : Never make the same mistakes twice... But, I still do... I cant seem to correct every single error I want to... Anyway, if everyone could do so we would be acing all the exams... So its a slim chance for all the demanding teachers... People make errors all the time... We are not allowed to make mistakes twice... Does it mean we wont get a 3rd chance in things we do? People say tat failure is the mother of success... Then our successes sure have loads of mums... But exactly how many times do we have to fail to succeed? Anyway, society do not allow us to fail... This is ironic... It is claimed tat success is brought about aft many failures... But we are not allowed to fail... Thanks to the 'developing' world... When will human brains start to develop? We have are not allowed to fail and failure must not befall on us... What crap... And people claim tat the process is more important than the achievement... The lessons tat we learn... But in society, who the hell cares what the bloody damn shit u learned if u can give them what they want? What they want is just the results... Its all bullshit... That's why... Like grouch says : Society is the irony of life... No results = failure... The process is NEVER taken into account... And some have even better crap : [its something like...] The more storms we go through, the more experience we earn; which is required for success... RUBBISH!... [Sorry for the extremes... I'm in a bad mood + I cant help it... Anyway, its MY blog...] By the time we go through a lot of storms we already get eroded and weathered into particles tat are not visible to the eyes... But, think on the bright side, we would be much 'finer' than before... Wouldn't we? [Sorry for the controversy... I simply LOVE to contradict myself... =P] Anyway... Life's like tat so we just have to learn to accept it... I;ll have to be more careful while doing my work... [I swear I had a better conclusion at my previous 'essay' T.T ...]
Problem 4 : [don 'Huh? So many ar?'... Yes, there's more to come...] [I also forgot... U don't expect me to Remember all tat I write simply when it flashes in my mind again, do u? It will all just be an expressing session for the previous hours... This sucks... I had a lot of things I wanted to share...] My inability to concentrate [YES! FINALLY REMEMBERED!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!] is also a major problem going on... I'm easily distracted and its somehow a challenge for me to be able to be doing a thing for a long period of time... I can only concentrate when I have some fantastic sketches in my head tat I wanna put on paper... But I always fail... Sigh... So it means time is wasted... Indeed I'm the world's best time waster... [Anyway, jus an interesting note : The REAL time tat is required for the earth to revolve around the sun is actually 23 h 56 mink and 4 sec? Hehez...] I'm not the kind who can do something I don like for long hours... Especially studying... I am currently trying to improve my flow of words now by blogging.. [TO THINK TAT THE HAY- WIRE COM HANGED! ARGH!!!! AND I LOST MY PRECIOUS CONTENTS! Trying to recall still... But most is new stuff T.T ...] I DEMAND MY USELESS BRAIN TO BE ABLE TO CONCENTRATE WHENEVER I WANT TO!!! Fat hope... And hope has no chance of slimming down... Wait, so it means hope got to seek help from chance... Because one is fat and the other is slim... Ok, enough of lame opinions... But its a skill I guess, to be able to concentrate on things I need to... I don't have the drive T.T ... Well... Its not too late to start now... Although its too late for the 'O's, but I still have 70 years ahead of me if everything goes fine... Haha... OMG... I'm leaving the main point again... Haze... I wanna learn to concentrate... But... I also like to write crappy personal opinions... =P
Problem 5 : [Don't read if u don want to... Its all MY business anyway...]I cant seem to absorb all tat is important... Plus I am borned to be forgetful and lazy... But for all I know, it may just be an excuse to not work hard for what I want... I don't know what I want anyway... All my life my major teacher has been the textbook... And we all know tat the textbook isn't exactly helpfulI cant rely on teachers and friends... Because teachers will tell YOU to find out the hidden agenda... Then tell them before they can help... FAT HOPE! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE MORONIC SHIT I DON KNOW... HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL U THE PROBLEM WHEN I DON KNOW WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?!?!?!?!?!? Yeah yeah... Practice makes perfect... But I don even understand what the fuck is going on... It means tat I've been lagging behind all other all my life... And now I am left with 1 month to catch up with 16 years of education... HA! No hope le... [I swear my previous 'essay' was slightly more positive about changes...] Especially A maths... Stare at the blank piece of paper with a blank mind... I don't ask friends for help is for personal reasons tat I do not wish to reveal... Please keep all noses to yourselves... [I'm still angry about erasing all my efforts of typing...] [I cant help being rude... T.T... I want my previous whole essay back... IDIOT...][And the previous one does not have as much comments I guess... Considering tat I'm expressing my wrath constantly in tis one...]
The below is more personal...
Its tough to get along with people... Its a chore to build and maintain relationships for me... As a natural introvert, I don like to be in big crowds... I feel uncomfortable... I don see any wrong in wanting to remain as a solitary figure...
Of Because I still treasure my family and friends... But I'd rather not be involved in any other affairs tat don concern those I care for... That's y I detest personality tests... [I'm starting to recall a little...] I do those online simply to see the pictures at the end of it... U mean there's a limited no. of personalities on earth? Then those people don't have a single bit of something we call the human brain... people claim tat each person is an individual, we are all unique... But there are extra things like personality tests tat try to guess one's interior... DUMB... As grouch says : Society is the irony of life... [I like tis quote =)]
Some people say I've got a talent in drawing... I'll say I've just got more passion for it... hehez... And I hate geeks who [they never say... But I know...] thinks I'm trying to show off by drawing in class... Its my freedom to do what the hell I wanna do so buzz off... Stupid people... [Now I wanna add... Anger can create miracles... I'm cursing excessively...] and some really think I'm the 'blur kok' in the class... Being ignorant and not having sides actually allows me to see the whole picture in a better view... Its an advantage... I don like to offend and don wish to be offended... It turns out tat I may not be as stupid as u all think... And I hate to be labeled as quiet... Because I'm not... I can blabber all I want if I wanna do so... [My language now I horrible... I'm not exactly in the mood aft I am forced to retype what I've forgotten...] And for those who cant stand the sight of me, TOO BAD... I'm an existence so its just your luck... U can choose to ignore me but its impossible to not see a 1.53 m tall opaque object...
After typing and re typing, I realized I REALLY have to brush up on my memory skills... And tis is the very 1st time I'm using the blog to express my true views... Drastic sia... But its quite enjoyable... Is tis y people like to blog?
I'm moving towards the big big world... =)
Another note : If there were no wars, would people appreciate peace?
When I have time I will type more about tis issue... The roles tat wars play in life... Man I've got loads to say bout tat... ^^
posted by Pres at 5:42 PM
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